They say the first step is admitting that you have a problem. Well here goes...I have a problem. I am a compulsive eater. I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am stressed and I eat when I need comfort. For many years food has been the only thing I have been able to control about my life. And now it has taken control OF my life. I am out of control. I have sat back and watched as a few people in my life have spun out of control from substance abuse. I have driven them to AA meetings and told them how proud I was of them when they were trying to beat their addiction, while all the while I was silently judging them in my head. I didn't believe that they would change. I thought that they were wasting everyone's time. But who am I to judge when I have an addiction of my own? Food is my addiction and despite my judgements of my family members who are actually trying to beat their problems, I have done absolutely nothing about mine. I am the waste of time.
This stops now. I have to make this change for me. I am losing the war with depression and I know that my weight has a lot to do with that. I have even lost my position as an ESL teacher and I believe whole-heartedly that it has to do with my weight as well. I need to get my life back. I need to get myself back. I am going to start attending OA meetings and I am making this effort to change for ME. I don't need encouragement. I don't need pity. I don't need words of advice or wisdom. I don't even care if you silently judge me in your head. Let's face it...there is a very real chance I will fail at this. But if I do fail please know that that means I will die and very soon. This is my last chance. I am going to blog about my experience here and if you decide you want to make comments then please do. I welcome your thoughts on the things I will post. Anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy a healthy debate so feel free to challenge my views. I think that sharing my struggles in public is the only way that I am going to be able to make the changes I need to make. I promise to try to not post stupid cliches or fake cheerfullness. This blog will be a real testament to the struggle I am going through. I am going to be brutally honest and at times this might seem vulgar. I apologize if you don't like this, but then you don't need to read my blog do you?
Well folks...here goes. "Today is the first day of the rest of my life..." (come on..nobody wants to call me out on that stupid cliche?)
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